This Means War

It seems a bit of a good read has been circulating everywhere and I know this after getting the same link from at least ten people.

I do not know what you think but this yet again proves how males can never be trusted about any good relationship advice. However, the shots have been fired because we all know there is a good percentage of woman who were either already following this path with no guilt whatsoever, there are those who were at crossroads with their moral standing and how will now undoubtedly cross rubicon and  lastly those who have never even thought about it but will now be a "SPARTAN" - everyone wants to be a spartan.

Anyway, il let you decide what you think of the article, but ladies this is just another guy who wants you not to feel bad to say yes when he approaches you whilst in a relationship, if you do not see it that way do remember karma dows come back twice as hard and lastly there has always been a difference between a male and a female, there's always been a difference being a girl and a woman... you choose what you want to be...and just so you know if you come near my man, it does mean war.


Is It Right To Take Another Girl’s Man

I spent a week emailing with this girl because she didn’t want me to blog about her situation. Finally she relented and gave me the okay after I told her it would not be judgmental at all. This young lady is in a normal situation. She likes a guy who has a girlfriend. Her question was “would it be right to try and talk to him anyway”? Why the hell not? This notion of a good man is hard to find will never go away because women will always get tangled up with incompatible men. If you find a guy who has everything you’re looking for and the only thing standing in the way is another chick—fuck her.
I know… karma, morals, he cheated on her he’ll do the same thing to you blah blah blah. You know who says that—scared bitches. It’s survival of the fittest, if his girl isn’t strong enough to keep a hold on him, then that’s her fault. We’re not talking about adultery; we’re talking about Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Those titles are only as strong as you make them, and if homie wants to stray then obviously he wasn’t in love. Does leaving her to be with you make him a bad man? Not necessarily. I treated my old girlfriends like shit; I treat my fiancé like a queen. One person’s “bad man” can always turn into someone’s “Mr. Perfect” it just takes the right woman to make him act right.
“If she was all that then you wouldn’t be cheating, if my pussy wasn’t good then you wouldn’t be eating”
If you don’t have the heart to take another girl’s boyfriend, cool—STOP READING NOW… I mean it; this will only offend your sense of moral decency… If you’re a fucking Spartan and you have no problem kicking a bitch in the chest then watching her fall into a pit, then continue on!
When you meet Mr. Right and it’s revealed that he has a chick, you don’t shy away from that. You embrace it. The last thing you want to be is a side chick, ask about her, how they met, where they go on dates… talking to a guy with a chick is market research. The purpose is not to fuck a guy with a girlfriend—that’s hoe shit, your job is to evaluate the guy with a girlfriend to see if he’s the right man for you, then erase her from his life.
Two Weeks Notice: This isn’t a guy who works at Burger King but is trying to get a job at the Post Office. He’s not allowed to keep his old job while applying for his new one. If he’s serious about getting with you, she has to go. A man will not want to leave his sure thing for a girl who he hasn’t even sampled yet. That’s his problem. If he wants to continue the sexting, dates, and get sex down the line then he has to make that hard decision. Give him a deadline. Not only does he have to break it off with his wifey, HE MUST tell her the reason why. This may sound unnecessarily mean, but understand this. We will fuck our ex girlfriends. That’s just what we do. If you make him tell her from the jump, “It’s over because I met someone else” that’s devastating. Unless she’s the dumbest girl on the planet, she will never give him the ass again. You made him look like a jerk, but at the same time you made it damn near impossible for him to two time you with his old bitch.
Her Pussy is a Honda. Your Pussy Is a Maserati: Pussy Whipping is alive and well and if he’s chasing your tail, she’s failed at putting that pussy on him. Tease him like you would do any guy you were seeing, but with a wifed up guy you have to be extra seductive because like the old Junior Mafia skit said “That nigga getting pussy on a regular basis“. You have to sell yourself like your vagina could cure cancer. Lust is a powerful weapon, it’s the #1 reason men cheat. But don’t be like those cliché women on TV who fuck with married men and say dumb things like, “he said he would leave her for me”. DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM UNTIL HE’S YOUR MAN. Talk nasty, that’s how you hook a man, but at the same time you’re not scouting for sex, you’re scouting for a relationship, so keep the physical activity limited to 2nd base. You have to show him that not only can you make him bust in less than 60 seconds you can keep him interested in your conversation. The mouth is greater than the ass, meaning that the things you say have a bigger impact than anything you can do in the bed. For him to say, “she never understood me like you do” is checkmate.

Make Sure Your Friends Have Your Back: Girls are influenced by their besties; they listen to their friends and care about how they’re perceived. The girl who emailed me, her biggest fear wasn’t taking the guy; it was what her friends would think about her doing it. You’re doing something very unpopular. No matter how cute this dude is or how nice he is, he’s cheating. There may not be sex involved at this stage, but to start talking to a man while he is involved with another girl is frowned upon. Your friends will guilt you, but you have to be strong. They’ll spew some bullshit about how there is someone out there for everyone and you should wait for a single man… That Disney Princess mindset is the reason they’re single. Remember you’re a fucking Spartan, those girls are your soldiers. They may not agree with the mission, but they owe it to you to be supportive of the campaign. When your Pirated boo comes over to chill you don’t want them judging him with. They don’t have to like it, but they must respect it.
Playing With House Money: Say you meet a guy, he’s involved, but you don’t know how to proceed. How do you initiate something like this? What’s my favorite word besides bitch? Confidence. This guy is taken, if you get rejected that’s okay because he should reject you– he has a woman he loves. Your job is to not take it seriously, look at it as a game and you’re the underdog. You have nothing to lose so step out of character and use your wit to pull him.
Boy: Um, I actually have a girl.
Girl: Is she here?
Boy: No.
Girl: Damn! I would have loved to show her how a real woman handles her boyfriend.
Boy: You’re a trip.
Girl: Why don’t you take my number and call me after you have sex with her tonight. We can count the seconds it takes for me to get you back up.
You’re putting on a show. You’re Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight; this shit will make you a legend in his mind. If you come off that aggressive, witty, and nasty he will call you. And once he calls you, you know it’s a wrap for her because She Is No Match For You. You’ll have to let him be sneaky for the first two weeks or so, but remember you’re not a side chick; you’re going to become the main chick, but like any relationship you don’t want to rush into it. Once you’re sure he’s right for you and want to take it to the next level, then you give him the ultimatum that it’s either you or her. You already know their bond is weak off the strength that he’s calling you on his lunch break instead of her. Once you win him over mentally, having him break that poor girl’s heart is the easy part. It’s a hostile takeover and there will be victims, but at the end of the day if you have a chance to own Netflix why would you continue to work at Blockbuster Video?
This is real life, there are no boundaries, and the only rule is “Don’t go after your friend’s man” other than that– all men are fair game, so if you want someone you go after them! You think men respect the fact that you have a boyfriend? Fuck no! We see that as the ultimate challenge. There is no reason women can’t use this same method when on the hunt for love. If a guy is in a relationship then obviously he isn’t afraid of commitment and he knows how to cater to a female—it’s like shopping for a house when furniture’s already in place, it’s much easier. You’re not going to go to hell, you’re not going to get seven years bad luck, the worst that can happen is that a younger, sexier version of you pulls this same trick and takes your man. But that can happen in any relationship, I’m not talking about keeping a man, we’re talking about going for what you want. If you feel too guilty to even consider this you’re hard headed– I told your ass to stop reading a long time ago.
You are better than his girlfriend. Your heart pumps Cheetah Blood built from Athena DNA, there is no man who you can’t take! That’s what you have to believe in order for this to work. And if some baggy eyed girl who looks like she’s been crying for the past two months shows up at your job calling you a home wrecker, you look her dry coochie having, weak head giving, constantly complaining ass dead in the eye and say, “You’re welcome. Because if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else”.

To all the ladies who are rattled up in the danger their boyfriends might have, Be smarter, look sexier, be more loving, be more contagious and remind that guy while you will always be the better choice than some floozy trying to be a spartan and yes i took off my chinos and put on my little shorts after I read this article - THIS DOES MEAN WAR

EVERYTHING IS STILL EVERYTHING

 

Sometimes there is beauty in pain because there is growth in pain and because it what sometimes brings us together.

The little things in life, little moments is what makes life worth it, everyday

The power of we is one that has proven to have the power to kill and yet the power to save lives. It is a phenomena that has existed since the beginning of time and remains relevant today but whether it destroys or create depends on how we choose to use and we choose to listen to as a society. If you have not guess, each individual is a part of that power, it is that power. Our attitudes, our beliefs and our morals govern that power.

The power of we has allowed monarchies to rise and also to fall. Hence a leader is nothing without its people.

The power of we has given rise to apartheid and has also brought it to its need. From South African countries marching, to african countries offering refuge, to many more countries putting in place sanctions.

The power of we has given rise to world wars and has put the end to them.

The united nations is reinforces the power of we. How when we all work together we can change the world. How we can save the world and how we can keep peace in the world.

The bible says where a crowd is gathered, the holy spirit is gathered - The power of we.

But I want to bring this post close to home. To a South African born Concept but Global phenomena: "Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu", directly translated from zule to english means, a person is a person because of people. It calls for humanity. It is the definition of The Power of We in its greatest form.

So I write this post in reminder of the Power of We to each individual so that we may come together to save those and help those who cannot do it on their own. Get over yourself and become a part of the rest of us as it is one struggle for all of us.Power corrupts, power corrupts absolutelybut it is up to us to use this in the best way we know how to...to give a hand

I challenge eveyone who reads this post to not only pass on this message but to truly become part of society by giving a hand somewhere where it is truly needed. Exercise the power of we where you are, charity does afterall, begin at home.

Everything is Everything

Whos BAD? #ThePowerofWe

With only 4 days left to Blog Action Day, excitement and anxiety are now both eagerly knocking on my door. Anxious because I have all these ideas stuck in my head that I need to share but I need to figure out which ones are more significant to share and how I need to share them on the blogpost so that it has the most effect and it at least changes one, just one mindset and ignite just one action.

Excited to be a part of something so great as if this blog in itself has not giving me enough already. As I have said, we need to learn tio live with each other because it is within each other that we find ourselves and Im definitly getting the liberation I need from this project....

Before I end of this post, you are probably wondering, Who's "BAD"?(PUN INTENDED). I am, you are, we are - It is all in the power of we and we give rebirth to this concept that has always been subconsciously there on the 15th October 2012.. So if you have it already, join us in BAD(Blog Action Day) 2012.

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Blog Action Day 2012

When I first decided to start a blog, it was help me recover from the most life-changing moment o my life. I have since gone through many extraordinary moments, none as life-changing or painful but significant in their own ways.

I have such that moment and all those other moments on this blog to help noone else but me and with your ear, I have risen.Then came a moment where I thought I did not this blog anymore til I realised in your silence, in your listening I was helping you some significantly and some just enough to trigger something - doesn't matter what that thing but it was there regardless. It was all I needed to know that to keep me here.

This year, I decided to take this blog even further and ignite change, by triggering thought. I came across Blog Action Day which is an initiative started by Kabissa to create awareness. To ignite change bu triggering thought. I am proud to say I am one of the 1115 registered bloggers. One of the 8 from south africa giving a voice.

If you are reading this post and you have a blog, be part of it and register on blogactionday.org. This year's theme is "the power of we". I have a topic which is one is very relevant to South Africans but more important relevant to mankind and living with each other - il keep it a secret til 15 October 2012.

Everything is Everything

AneTurned21

Perhaps, This post would have probably have been better if I had written before my 21st birthday (yes I know I am baby) to help me with the little speech I had to make at my dinner.

Firstly, I know my friends are tired of hearing me complain about never hosting another birthday celebration. Here is the truth, I most probably will. Yes, I daunted the stress that came with organisng everything because when you plan something you want it to go a certain way and if something goes wrong and you are a psycho like me, it almost creates a distaste for the whole thing. However, nothing beats that moment when that distate is smothered with love - it makes everything worthwhile.
The whole planning process for me was a journey of reflection of truth about where I am in my life and who actually was standing next to me.

You would think for some one who usually flies solo like me getting to 25 people in and around Cape Town would be easy. Infact that is when I realised I am on a journey.When you decide o having an intimate dinner, you want people tha will feel that room with warmth and love. You want to celebrate those people who have carried you through everything and loved you unconditionally and that is not always easily pinpointed.

I am imagined how walking into that room would be - warm. In turned out to be cold and empty and as the room filled up with my guests, it remained so with only droplets of love.At that moment, I knew that there were people who I still embraced who did not even deserve my glance.

Thank you to my mothers, I am now learning to CUT THE CHORD,a phenomena il leave for another day just so you keep an eye out for more posts in the future and no IM NOT PREGNANT.

The question everyone asked is how does it feel being 21 and most people would say it feels the same. It did not feel the same for me.I did not feel different because I turned 21 but i am different because of the love i realised i had experience and now knew I had as I turned 21. The love I am given is everything. The love people showed me and continue to show me is all i am - that is why I am still standing. Given the chance I would do it all again to give me the peace, the love and the strength that has come with being 21.

And although I have had to go of people I have held dear to my heart, those that are true remain.

To my family, you shine through me daily
To my friends. you remind me of the light that  I hold
To him, you have given me the peace that has led me to cut the chord
To God, continue to mould me into the woman you have created me to be.

Everything is Everything

Changes

I had the privillege of chilling with the amazing artist, Khanyisile Mbongwe, who up until yesterday I did not know she existed and after being asked to google her, feel like the shit for knowing her - Google Her.

Being with her and the other no name brands who are just as amazing according to me(what your mother would say), I started reminiscing on the different people I have inhibited over the years which were amazing years but has been my biggest downfall in knowing who i am and what I want for myself now and for the future. And if not that, thank you khanyi, iggy and allison for making me write anothe blogpost again - I needed the air it lets me breathe.

I am now contemplating going to an audition that could be alot of fun but one I am not sure forms part of the person I want to become in the future. I am no Bonang Matheba and neither have I wanted to be yet I have gained an interest in the industry ever since my year stint with my dj but what are my interest. who am i, what do I want for myself, where do I want to be, what legacy do I want to leave behind for myself and what am I doing to get there. Is this audition how I get there? Sometimes these questions may seem easy but there is a fine line between being versatile and being a jack of all trades and a master of none. LEARN TO BE THE MASTER. Making such decisions require a certain level of honesty with yourself. One that is tough and will make you lose out on alot of opportunities but one that will allow to reach your potential and grasp opportunities that are best for you.

So today I write this post, not only for myself but for those who need to move forward. Our own little guide book to self-redemption.

1. Face all your past/issues head on.Cry, throw them against the wall(please do not bring harm to others), have a bonfire. do whatever you need to do to let them go. Keep the lessons they have taught you. For those of us who pray, pray to God and ask them to clear you from the past.Ask him for you not to hold yourself back any longer but push you forward.
2. Sit down and ask yourself who and where you want to be; from the way you want to laugh, the cologne/perfume you want to use to the the type of marriage you want to have, how you want to love yourself and those around you, how you want to see yourself and how you want others to perceive you. Paint that image of yourself with every detail but becareful to look within and find who you are and not paint a picture from what other people are. For those of us who pray, pray to God and ask him to show you who He created you to be and your purpose. To infuse what you have come up with and what is to be in His plans for you.At the end of that prayer, say God I have confessed it with my mouth and I know because of that not only has it been justified but it has been done. Thank you.
3. Ask yourself how you need to get there. Plan it and stick to it. Let it be over the top and be realistic at the same time. Take what has worked in the past, leave the rest and create new approaches. You should know how the next line goes: For those of us who pray, pray to God and ask Him to give you the patience with time constraints and people around you who will help you in your journey, perserverance to follow through even when things are not going your way and to keep the bigger picture in mind.Latsly, strength to be able to face the challenges that come with knowing who you are, standing by that person and reaching your dreams - If you sleeping for 5 hours, you are not hungry for it yet.
4. Dont forget to live which is what most of us forget to do and even though you have a dream, do not forget what is important. Little things like love and making memories is what makes life special which brings me my next and probably final point.
5. Love: Learn to love yourself the right way because in doing so you teach yourself how to love and respect the people you cherish.In turn they learn how to love and respect you the way you so rightfully deserve.

Do not let others and the world influence you but listen to what they have to say because so often we miss out on advice/lessons that will groom us.It is important that as much as we want to learn how to live with ourselves, we learn how to live with others because as I have said before, sometimes it is within others that we find ourselves.

All this sounds or seems easier writing it down but making the decisions that follow is even harder. There are many amazing opportunities that will come your way, you can become a jack of all trades and master of none and take all of them, not succeed and excel in all of them and end up not knowing where you are heading; or you can choose the opportunities that are right for you. Ones that will mould you as a person and ones that will strengthen your path. All of them will lure you in but knowing who you are and where you are going comes with a fight to stand by that person and it is that strength and that stand which will allow you to know what is right for you.

Everything is Everything

Get over it

During the long weekend of 27 April 2012, yes it was a while back, I had the unfortunate privillege of sitting in what I believe was one of the worst talks I have ever sat in. I will not name the uct professor who spoke for his sake but I will be sure never to attend one of his talks again.

However, I did try and make sense of what he was saying and despite my distaste for his overall talk, he had some very interesting parts in between the hogwash.

My posts are usually close to home but not this one. This one is about tolerance and learning to live with ourselves and each other and as the uct professor put it" Get over yourself" - although his context of the clause is far from mine I grabbed it anyway.

We live our lives consumed in ourselves which is not necessarily a bad thing but becomes one once we think we are better than others. I had a chat with my roommate the other day and we were talking about how God surely must taken bribes because some plans are just way to good while other people are worse off. What I find amazing though, is how He has managed to make us need each other despite the two ends of each other. We cannot inhabit this world on our own and the more we get over ourselves there more we will be able to save whats left of humanity and our world. A way to ensure that the atrocities of the past do not repeat itself and the fear itself disappear because it is the fear that takes us two steps back even when you have moved behind.

My mom the other day told me about a sermon she had heard at church which just asserts how you are linked and how we all need each other even when we do not know it.

A youn ghungry boy was hungry and went around asking for food. After many let downs, who knocked at a door where a woman had given her some milk. Years later this young boy had become a doctor and the woman had grown older and sick and needed a very expensive operation which she could not afford.
Having been admitted at the hospital the doctor works at, the doctor decided to walkk around check on this woman only to find it was the woman who gave her the milk years ago. The man put out his hand to the woman and said you paid for this operation with the milk you gave me years ago because maybe I would not even be here.

Lesson: If we put ourselves aside, you start a chain of goodwill and it is that chain that can change the world.

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Everything happens for a reason

This post does not at all reflect where I am in my life but reflects where I am in my heart and soul. Dear dad, losing you and your love, laughter, kindness and affection remains the hardest and most painful thing I have ever had to deal with to date.

Some days seem better than the rest but there ones that I remember you are gone are the harder than the last one. I may have said goodbye but my heart will never be able to part from you and the person you have been in my life.

I need you. I want you. I cannot rewind time but I want to so badly; given the chance I would choose to have left with you than to stay with this pain, this emptiness.

I dedicate this post to every person who has lost a loved one, who continues to carry this unbearable pain with me and my family...

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

I miss you peanuts - Gone but not Forgotten

"Sweet, No Mkata Mkata"

The Rurals Feat. Magic Soul - "Its Hot In Africa" (Magic Soul Spoken Wo...

A friend suggested this song to me. I won't lie I quite enjoy it. Tell me what you think.. email your comments to anelisiwe.mizer.miza@gmail.com, comment on the post or comment on our fb page.


ENJOY

My petition to God

I have currently been going through what my flatmate rephrased as a quarterlife crisis (can't be midlife because we think im not there yet, though its quite debatable) and as if the heavens directed me to cna and I purchased (on sale) Eat, Pray, Love; although I would later regret the hole it made in my wallet, its exactly what I needed to help me get through this phase of my life.

Liz, the author and main character of the book, wrote a petition to God to help her through her complicated divorces. I found this liberating and decided to write my own.

Dear God

Thank you for showing me your love by letting me pass through all the trials and tribulations you have put my way to help me. I have grown

Please heal my world through my mind, heart and soul,
because if I am mentally and emotionally dead,
I can't fulfill the purpose you have for me.

Please give me the courage to face myself and most of all forgive myself,
Because the pains I carry affect many and the world has enough pain as it stands
With all the wars, corruption, hunger and poverty but to name a few - you know this already.

Please help me move on and see the bigger picture;
Because if I don't, I don't get to share all i can share with the people around.
Allow love, peace and contentment in my life and my loved ones.
Send the focus, ambition and determination you once gave me
Because you know why it was there in the first please.

As you can see there is tons of names of my petition list who want all of this to be granted to me.
 Thank you in advance

Regards
Anelisiwe Miza


EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Waiting To Exhale

Im sure by the title of this blog, you think this is another ode to Whitney Houston. It really isn't but I thought the gesture of the title would not only fit this post but also give her the respect she has rightfully earned over the years; but somehow this post has become an ode to her, not because I will be writing about her great voice but rather one that makes sure you do not fall into the same trip as she did.

Here's the truth, I do not know how to apply half the wisdom i share and ask all of you to apply to this blog as a result I have fallen deeper and deeper into the deep dark hole I was trying to climb out from when I started this blog.

While everyone's, well most people's year started with the the fresh aroma of a new journey; mine started with the gross odour of old garbage that I had no choice but to face and whether you accept or deny your mistakes and bad decisions, they came with consequences you must face even when you are moving forward. For most people, this would seem pretty easy when the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brightly but for me it came with a whole lot of anger I still had to deal with. I had managed to give and convince many of reasons why I had made my choices but only I knew the truth and had to face it alone which has proven to be the one of the most difficult experiences one should ever have to undergo (or in my case, choose to undergo).

My biggest wake up call: you cannot face yourself and correct yourself if you do not know who you are. This means you can never move forward if you do not know what went wrong to start with and you cannot do that if you do not know who you are. We live life with each other and experience each other in the hope that one day we will ake sense to each other but how does one do that if nothing exists. How can I get to know you when you do not even know whats there to know about you.

This is where Ive been for the past, i have no idea for how long- i don't remember and now I realise I need figure myself out and what I want and need in order to forgive the mistakes ive done and those done by others unto me. I can only live when I realise what im looking for.

I can least a whole lot of things that my mom and many others have said to trigger this new change of heart but its the trigger I pulled that finally gave me the strength to confront myself and im fighting to do so every day.

Remember that clogged up feeling you got for yur first three orals in class, when your crush passed you by or the ne you get when you are really hurt and no matter how hrd you cry you still can't get rid of it. Well Ive had that feeling for a while now and thats what made this title so real to me; This clog is where I am and as I start finding myself all over again all I can think of to describe the feeling I have is "WAITING TO EXHALE"

Sorry in took so long to write in, its been a rollercoaster.

EVERYTHING IS STILL EVERYTHING

pApER cUTs

This one is a bit late but I want to share it anyway...

 As per usual, my introduction includes me explaining my title, I guess because most of them have some story that is either funny or witty. Well I hope they appeal to you some odd way or the other, the way they do me. All I can say after opening hundreds of ballots (which were in envelopes) that left me with a million paper cuts, I find the title quite appropriate for my experience at work.

No, I will not tell you where I was working, although some of you may know, because I have learnt that in life you need to keep some secrets to yourself so you can fully enjoy your experience, just to figure things out for yourself and to be your own fan and friend amongst many other reasons which most black people (No ‘ not being racist) would agree are ones you dare not test to be true or not. Well, also because if I do say some negative stuff my possible employer does not dismiss me before I even start the job – though I doubt “He” is so keen to hire me anymore anyway(lol). Just joking just trying to make this as funny as I thought it would be when I decided to write this post – THE PRESSURE.

Before you think I am about to babble about nothing, I want to steal your sympathy and just in case I’ve lost you already. I think I should tell you if you are still searching for a man, it’s true the good ones are undoubtedly taken: married or gay. Yes I said it, you cannot tell Jonathan this because he will kill me (we might not be married but he is taken too*sideeyes*). I won’t mention their names though if they do get to read this post, they will probably know its them...Fine ass black brothers like terrance howard and morris chestnut do exist(bursting into laughter while I write this).Let’s not talk about their asses(PG). They made for very good eye candy.

My first two days were nothing short of a disaster, I was an hour late for work besides the fact that I had deactivated my bank card and I finally learnt how it feels to be solvent and illiquid(hungry times). I did not mind my papercut escapade until I had to commute back to Stellenbosch. I had to wait an hour for a taxi to Belville and another hour to Stellenbosch – Dear God I need a car.

The second day proved to be the worst of the rest of the week when the last gift my father bought me before he passed on was pickpocketed on the train to Claremont – My Blackberry and yes he stole my whole life or a she whatever it was. I was early for work, okay fine I was ten minutes late, but ended being 2 hours left. With no phone, a deactivated bank card, no cellphone numbers except my moms and my boyfriend’s and no idea how to get to work, I think I was quite early. I need to learn to stop crying.

Wednesday seemed great until I broke the glass cover of my aunt’s gas stove. I am cursed.

I can’t say my week of work was very productive and informative but it’s definitely shown me how weak I am. I need to learn to move no matter what is happening in my life. Life will always throw things at you to stop you from moving but as I once heard Tyler Perry said, God said I must tell you to “MOVE”.

“MOVE” has definitely become my philosophy for 2012 especially with the baggage I have carried from 2011. I am shit scared and do not know what turn to take but I’m moving.  I’ll take whatever comes my way because I do not have much of a choice.

This week has come with a whole lot of questions and new difficult decisions to be made. A reflection and meditation session is needed and soon. That is why I cannot wait for next week as my new year truly begins.

I know I have already wished all of you a prosperous new year and it would have been more appropriate to give you a new year’s message then, I leave you with one thing Martin Luther King once said: “If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk and if you can’t walk crawl, but whatever you do keep moving”

Still Love you all

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Letters to my dad

Two days ago marked the 1st year anniversary since my father passed away. Usually I start these letters with dear dad but not this time. I started of the 18th of January with tears and flashbacks of myself on the floor screaming with tears when I realised that all these people in the house were not praying for my father's speedy recovery but came to help my family tell me that when I saw my dad being driven to ICU in that hospital, helpless, it would be the last I would see him alive.

I called my mother searching for what I thought would be twin tears instead my mother surprised me with the strength and wisdom that has made my love and respect for her grow over the years: "Why do you feel the sense of duty to cry on his anniversary?" and what at the time felt like the most cruel and harsh thing my mother had to say, came to be the most comforting words that have come to aid me with a growth I needed to undergo to able to MOVE.

Dear Dad

I have let myself, aspirations and life be governed by your death. I have used it as an excuse for every mishap, challenge and failures that have come my way this past year. I have failed myself and as a result have failed you and all the others that continue to believe in me. I refuse. I take full responsibility for everything and i take charge of my life AND all the choices I have made and all the other tougher decisons I am still to make.

The thing they forget to remind you of when death hits you is that you still have a whole new life ahead of you and although its new its still yours to live.

Mom always reminds me of how proud you were of me and the things I had achieved and continued to take in my stride. I always remember how you use to tell me of how proud you were of me and all the other things I did - it was the last real conversation I had with you so how could I forget. I just remembered it the wrong way. You weren't proud of all the physical things i had done and achieved. You ARE proud of the person I had become that had led me to do all the things I have achieved - strong, wise, ambitious, caring and wanting to bring change amongst many other things. I spent the past year just doing so I could keep you proud but I failed at what matterd to you the most; losing myself.

Dear dad, a year has passed without you and I cry for all the things we still had to share together but I celebrate and embrace the man you were and continue to be even in spirit. A strong educated black attorney who was passionate about everything he did: his profession and his family. I remember you for your ethics, your love and perseverance. You have fought but I now know that even the greatest warrior has to stand down at some point.

I have been wanting to feel or hear you in my dreams or when I walk at some point thought maybe I would never and all those things are just better left in the movies but I feel you move than ever. You continue to groom me into the strong woman I now remember I am. You never left. You are still here.

Enkosi daddy.

I love you and still miss you

Rest in Peace
Gugulethu Luyanda Miza