My petition to God

I have currently been going through what my flatmate rephrased as a quarterlife crisis (can't be midlife because we think im not there yet, though its quite debatable) and as if the heavens directed me to cna and I purchased (on sale) Eat, Pray, Love; although I would later regret the hole it made in my wallet, its exactly what I needed to help me get through this phase of my life.

Liz, the author and main character of the book, wrote a petition to God to help her through her complicated divorces. I found this liberating and decided to write my own.

Dear God

Thank you for showing me your love by letting me pass through all the trials and tribulations you have put my way to help me. I have grown

Please heal my world through my mind, heart and soul,
because if I am mentally and emotionally dead,
I can't fulfill the purpose you have for me.

Please give me the courage to face myself and most of all forgive myself,
Because the pains I carry affect many and the world has enough pain as it stands
With all the wars, corruption, hunger and poverty but to name a few - you know this already.

Please help me move on and see the bigger picture;
Because if I don't, I don't get to share all i can share with the people around.
Allow love, peace and contentment in my life and my loved ones.
Send the focus, ambition and determination you once gave me
Because you know why it was there in the first please.

As you can see there is tons of names of my petition list who want all of this to be granted to me.
 Thank you in advance

Regards
Anelisiwe Miza


EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Waiting To Exhale

Im sure by the title of this blog, you think this is another ode to Whitney Houston. It really isn't but I thought the gesture of the title would not only fit this post but also give her the respect she has rightfully earned over the years; but somehow this post has become an ode to her, not because I will be writing about her great voice but rather one that makes sure you do not fall into the same trip as she did.

Here's the truth, I do not know how to apply half the wisdom i share and ask all of you to apply to this blog as a result I have fallen deeper and deeper into the deep dark hole I was trying to climb out from when I started this blog.

While everyone's, well most people's year started with the the fresh aroma of a new journey; mine started with the gross odour of old garbage that I had no choice but to face and whether you accept or deny your mistakes and bad decisions, they came with consequences you must face even when you are moving forward. For most people, this would seem pretty easy when the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brightly but for me it came with a whole lot of anger I still had to deal with. I had managed to give and convince many of reasons why I had made my choices but only I knew the truth and had to face it alone which has proven to be the one of the most difficult experiences one should ever have to undergo (or in my case, choose to undergo).

My biggest wake up call: you cannot face yourself and correct yourself if you do not know who you are. This means you can never move forward if you do not know what went wrong to start with and you cannot do that if you do not know who you are. We live life with each other and experience each other in the hope that one day we will ake sense to each other but how does one do that if nothing exists. How can I get to know you when you do not even know whats there to know about you.

This is where Ive been for the past, i have no idea for how long- i don't remember and now I realise I need figure myself out and what I want and need in order to forgive the mistakes ive done and those done by others unto me. I can only live when I realise what im looking for.

I can least a whole lot of things that my mom and many others have said to trigger this new change of heart but its the trigger I pulled that finally gave me the strength to confront myself and im fighting to do so every day.

Remember that clogged up feeling you got for yur first three orals in class, when your crush passed you by or the ne you get when you are really hurt and no matter how hrd you cry you still can't get rid of it. Well Ive had that feeling for a while now and thats what made this title so real to me; This clog is where I am and as I start finding myself all over again all I can think of to describe the feeling I have is "WAITING TO EXHALE"

Sorry in took so long to write in, its been a rollercoaster.

EVERYTHING IS STILL EVERYTHING

pApER cUTs

This one is a bit late but I want to share it anyway...

 As per usual, my introduction includes me explaining my title, I guess because most of them have some story that is either funny or witty. Well I hope they appeal to you some odd way or the other, the way they do me. All I can say after opening hundreds of ballots (which were in envelopes) that left me with a million paper cuts, I find the title quite appropriate for my experience at work.

No, I will not tell you where I was working, although some of you may know, because I have learnt that in life you need to keep some secrets to yourself so you can fully enjoy your experience, just to figure things out for yourself and to be your own fan and friend amongst many other reasons which most black people (No ‘ not being racist) would agree are ones you dare not test to be true or not. Well, also because if I do say some negative stuff my possible employer does not dismiss me before I even start the job – though I doubt “He” is so keen to hire me anymore anyway(lol). Just joking just trying to make this as funny as I thought it would be when I decided to write this post – THE PRESSURE.

Before you think I am about to babble about nothing, I want to steal your sympathy and just in case I’ve lost you already. I think I should tell you if you are still searching for a man, it’s true the good ones are undoubtedly taken: married or gay. Yes I said it, you cannot tell Jonathan this because he will kill me (we might not be married but he is taken too*sideeyes*). I won’t mention their names though if they do get to read this post, they will probably know its them...Fine ass black brothers like terrance howard and morris chestnut do exist(bursting into laughter while I write this).Let’s not talk about their asses(PG). They made for very good eye candy.

My first two days were nothing short of a disaster, I was an hour late for work besides the fact that I had deactivated my bank card and I finally learnt how it feels to be solvent and illiquid(hungry times). I did not mind my papercut escapade until I had to commute back to Stellenbosch. I had to wait an hour for a taxi to Belville and another hour to Stellenbosch – Dear God I need a car.

The second day proved to be the worst of the rest of the week when the last gift my father bought me before he passed on was pickpocketed on the train to Claremont – My Blackberry and yes he stole my whole life or a she whatever it was. I was early for work, okay fine I was ten minutes late, but ended being 2 hours left. With no phone, a deactivated bank card, no cellphone numbers except my moms and my boyfriend’s and no idea how to get to work, I think I was quite early. I need to learn to stop crying.

Wednesday seemed great until I broke the glass cover of my aunt’s gas stove. I am cursed.

I can’t say my week of work was very productive and informative but it’s definitely shown me how weak I am. I need to learn to move no matter what is happening in my life. Life will always throw things at you to stop you from moving but as I once heard Tyler Perry said, God said I must tell you to “MOVE”.

“MOVE” has definitely become my philosophy for 2012 especially with the baggage I have carried from 2011. I am shit scared and do not know what turn to take but I’m moving.  I’ll take whatever comes my way because I do not have much of a choice.

This week has come with a whole lot of questions and new difficult decisions to be made. A reflection and meditation session is needed and soon. That is why I cannot wait for next week as my new year truly begins.

I know I have already wished all of you a prosperous new year and it would have been more appropriate to give you a new year’s message then, I leave you with one thing Martin Luther King once said: “If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk and if you can’t walk crawl, but whatever you do keep moving”

Still Love you all

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING