Waiting To Exhale

Im sure by the title of this blog, you think this is another ode to Whitney Houston. It really isn't but I thought the gesture of the title would not only fit this post but also give her the respect she has rightfully earned over the years; but somehow this post has become an ode to her, not because I will be writing about her great voice but rather one that makes sure you do not fall into the same trip as she did.

Here's the truth, I do not know how to apply half the wisdom i share and ask all of you to apply to this blog as a result I have fallen deeper and deeper into the deep dark hole I was trying to climb out from when I started this blog.

While everyone's, well most people's year started with the the fresh aroma of a new journey; mine started with the gross odour of old garbage that I had no choice but to face and whether you accept or deny your mistakes and bad decisions, they came with consequences you must face even when you are moving forward. For most people, this would seem pretty easy when the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brightly but for me it came with a whole lot of anger I still had to deal with. I had managed to give and convince many of reasons why I had made my choices but only I knew the truth and had to face it alone which has proven to be the one of the most difficult experiences one should ever have to undergo (or in my case, choose to undergo).

My biggest wake up call: you cannot face yourself and correct yourself if you do not know who you are. This means you can never move forward if you do not know what went wrong to start with and you cannot do that if you do not know who you are. We live life with each other and experience each other in the hope that one day we will ake sense to each other but how does one do that if nothing exists. How can I get to know you when you do not even know whats there to know about you.

This is where Ive been for the past, i have no idea for how long- i don't remember and now I realise I need figure myself out and what I want and need in order to forgive the mistakes ive done and those done by others unto me. I can only live when I realise what im looking for.

I can least a whole lot of things that my mom and many others have said to trigger this new change of heart but its the trigger I pulled that finally gave me the strength to confront myself and im fighting to do so every day.

Remember that clogged up feeling you got for yur first three orals in class, when your crush passed you by or the ne you get when you are really hurt and no matter how hrd you cry you still can't get rid of it. Well Ive had that feeling for a while now and thats what made this title so real to me; This clog is where I am and as I start finding myself all over again all I can think of to describe the feeling I have is "WAITING TO EXHALE"

Sorry in took so long to write in, its been a rollercoaster.

EVERYTHING IS STILL EVERYTHING