Happy New Year

I thought I'd write this post an hour before the year ended so I can truly capture all the moments of 2011 and also becasue I wanted to release this post 1 min before New Years for some melodramatic reaction I hope it would give for those not to drink to read it or having to much fun to be reading this blog. Anyway, I'm writing it now because I'm to afraid I'd run out of things to say and my own wit would outwit itself out of my brain(yes I'm trying to be corny).

As the year closes to an end, I'm flooded with a gazzilon thoughts and emotions both running around hysterically inside of me.As it draws to the end, I close all yhe fears, the failures and even successes and new fears play with my mind but as the year ends I cannot help, like every other human being, to reflect what at first seems to be have been the worst year of my life but more than anything a true test of my strength.

This year marks one of the biggest losses I have yet to experience, that of my father and of myself. I have met new people and made new friends and have lost half of them and other old relationships but none seems worse than that of my dad and myself.

I have learnt what it is to fall, what it is to be in pain and what it is to be lost but in all that I have started the real journey of life, I have started the real journey of growth and continue to do so with the love,care and support of family, friends, strangers that have become friends and also God.

As the year draws to an end, I can help but to think of the beginning. There are things I will live behind: old friends, old loves and old mistakes that I cannot change even if I wanted to.However, it marks the start of infinite possibilities both new and old and although I will have to take some baggage with me: healing the wounds my father left behind and repairing the consequences of my mistakes but I feel stronger to live,love and learn.

Before I end this blogpost there are a few thank yous I would fail myself not to mention:

To Ayabonga Bangaza,Xolisa Jezile, Mbasa Twani,Onela Mtilwa, Zizipho Waxa, Nangamso Tyamzashe, Vuyolwethu Mqulo, Uyasithanda Booi, Nomfundo Tyamzashe, Fundile Sangoni, Mosima Thema and Sinazo Sodlula thank you for coming to my rescue when I needed saving, for opening your kind and pure hearts when I had no idea who to turn. I appreciate your friendship and the love, care and wisdom you have brought my way.

To the Mtilwa Family, your love and support have proven strong, loyal and sincere over the years and you continue to pour your love to me and my family.there are no words to describe all you have done and continue to do for my family.

The Tshiki Family especially Bhut Maks, Aunt Khush, Khanya, Lisa and Kwezi, thank you for adopting me and opening your home and hearts to me. You remain and will continue to be in my heart til the end of time.I have no words for everything you have done for me.

To Tsabu Mapike, thank you for your consistent support , your encouragement and strong belief in me, my ideas and my potential. You give me the confidence and will to fight all odds.You have become a big part of my life and heart. I love you.

To Mr L Vlok, My psycologist, besides the fancy feeling of having my own psycologist, I owe you everything for saving me from myself and helping me to stand up when I did not rememba how to and continue to hold my hand in my growth.

To Samantha, I really cannot pronounce or spell your surname(I'm sorry), Thank you for being my light and hope when everything was dark.I Love you.

To Joni Ranton, My loving bf, I know you won't enjoy this public declaration but baby I had to, thank you for being my pillar of strength,for being a part of my life, laugh and joy, for all the support and putting up with me when I could not put up with myself.

To my siblings, you continue to form the bulk of who I am and continue to create memories with me that make my life worth living.I love you all Nzolo, Aliziwe and Mila.You are my soul.

To all my mothers friends, Nombedesho Sikiti, Nombeko Mtilwa, Tinny Tyamzashe, Pumla Tshiki, Bomi Zote, Aunt Buyelwa, Tembisa Mbombo, Zanele Bangaza thank you for mothering me and my mother in one of our darkest years and all the others.The continued love you give my mother reaches us in all its richness.

To my mother, I look at you in awe every single day of my life and I have no idea where you get your strength from.It keeps me strong and it keeps me whole.It builds and teaches me how to live and learn in the right way.You and always will be my everything.Thank you for all your hardwork, sacrifices and love.

To my late father, your memory still burns brightly in our lives.You have been everything to us and still are even in your absence.

Last but not least, thank you to everyone who has walked with me through this blog.It means the world to me.

To those I did not mention, I love you no less and do not take lighlty the impact you have in my life this year.Thank you.

To everyone, Compliments of the new season. May God bless all of you abundantly and may you succedd in all you do but especially in living.

To My beautiful sister Naledi Bangaza, Congratulations!
And Mbasa we will love mthawelanga ayema twni to the end of time.

Goodbye 2011 Hello 2012!

I Love You All

Everything is Everything

Couldnt stay away for long

It seems I couldnt stay away for too long. I never left because the spotlight faded (as many tried to insinuate - damn haters), I left because I had to put all I had to discovered into action. What is the point of wisdom if its only o paper. The spotlight is what is bringing me back: After being asked why I have stopped and long debates of why I should come back, I realised my blog is helping others as much as it is helping me. Even if its just for a laugh or two, its making a difference. Although it was never really about the people, I have to come to realise that it is about both of us.

I have also come to learn that you can never be completely free or completely healed because that is when your journey ends, when life ends. A few days ago, some rich guy (forgot his name) said you start failing when you start thinking you are successful. I think that applies for living as a whole.

This year has come with many hurdles and a full basket of blessings only to take me back to step one. However, Im learning that if you are hungry enough for something, you will get it. Do not let man stop you from something bigger than themselves. I though after  timeless occasions of bunking out of hostel, i would have realised that where there is a will, there is a way, but it is only now I truly am learning of that will.

My sister is going to boarding school (just nje by the way) and I just can't hide the fears I have. I pray she turns out nothing I am and listen when mom says all good things come to those who wait. Impatience has a nasty surprise for you.

To everyone, have a merry christmas - while you laugh with your fathers or hope the father you met may still walk through that door, i'll be cleaning my father's grave.


2012 is yours if you choose to

Everything is Everything

Toodles for now

"I'm starting to learn things bwt myself that I ddnt even realise r beautiful....I'm starting to learn that my flaws r human...I'm starting to accpet myslf and loving it" - Anelisiwe Miza

I started this blog beginning of the year to try and deal with life and the world after my father's passing because with it came a whole new confusion of what that is and where i fit in that life and world.

Today, I am nowhere near finishing my grieving for my loss, the hole its created is still as wide as the seven seas but now Im starting to restore myself and my position in life. Its been one hell of a road and Im nowhere near finish. With every new day, is one new blessing and two more downfalls but when you choose life and purpose you realise you can change the world by changing yourself.

Ive lived this year through this blog but now I need to live it with the world. And although this is toodles for now maybe sometime later I can come tell you how becoming my purpose feels like.

To everyone, I hope you figure yourselves out and even if you dont, love yourself dearly, love yourself enough to fight for yourself......

Before i say bye, i think it would be fun to tell you where the signature "Everything is Everything" comes from and no its not from Lauryn Hill's song though it has been one of my favourites.... I once met a guy who at the time I thought was the coolest person on earth and he had sent me one of those charming smsz that make you laugh and giggle on your own of which he had told me I would do. Anyway he had ended that sms by saying I hope everything is everything and for once since ive heard that clause did it really make sense to me and meaning for me and although i couldnt explain it...everything was definitly everything....

To my beautiful family (Nokwanda Miza, Aliziwe Miza, Nzolo Miza, Mila Miza and the Late Gugulethu Miza), my loving boyfriend Joni Ranton and our extended family, thank you for the amazing love and support you continue to allow me to grow in.

  Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Prov 4:23

"Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good."
-Vaclav Havel

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

The Serenity Prayer

This prayer has helped me alot in finding serenity in the most difficult situations and it continues to help me. Thought some of you might need it:


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Everything is Evertyhing

Feels like ive betrayed the love in my life who has never failed in comforting and bringing me back to life(my blog). Simple explanation of my absence is this: When you are falling down, you dont always realise it or you do but choose to deny it and you end up til you fall down.

There are those of us who simply get up and dust themselves and move on(not always easy), then there are those of us who never get up and lastly those who realise they have fallen, wants to get up but have no idea how to.

Its simple when all else fails in your life, there is only one thing to do, start from the beginning. And you might think there is no beginning but where there is a will there is way and if your will is gone then that is your starting point.

Life becomes way more simplier when you stop fighting it all the time and you stop living in other people's lives and face yours.

Seasons do change but there best thing about it its a cycle that never stops.So summer must leave but it will come back no matter how many times it lives.

The worst thing you can ever do is wake up decades later and realise how you could have changed everything. If you believe in fate, believe that you can change if its not the way you want it to be... You cannot run away from fate, many may argue, but you can change how it takes place.

WAKE UP WAKE UP AND WAKE UP...your time to sleep forever will come dont tempt it.

i trust and have no doubt that:


EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

My Everything

Ndinga yhini na ngaphandle kwakho (what would i be without u)

To my dearest mother
You have brought so many women in my life
You have shown me the world and how to try and be a part of it
You, as Jesus serves, served me and every other person in our lives
with love, wisdom,strength and a power that shows we serve a mighty God
You have shown me who is God and to fear Him but Love him and Trust in Only Him
All these women have inspired me tremendously but none like you

To my dearest mother
Youve carried my pains and burdens and that of others
Youve celebrated my victories and that of others
You are Joy. You are Laughter. You are Love

I have watched you sacrfice yourself for others
Ive seen you give your enemy the other cheek as God instructs to and love them
You are a true reflection of God
You are a true reflection of Strength

You have shielded and moulded me over the years. Ive seen you be a teacher not just us to us but your friends as well.

Your humility is what the world needs to live better.You brought me down to earth when i started floating as such i know abantu ngabantu because of all your lessons.

I love you. Continue to bless me with all the inspiratin you bring to my life

You epitomise what every women should be

As I turn 20, I celebrate you as my Number 1 inspirational woman
Phenomonal Woman

Pure Beauty

I always thought she would marry Rowan Cloete while I always pretended that she was me(hides). She was the only reason I watched TV.

I could never specify exactly what made me in awe of this woman but she inspired me because of that. She had this persona about her that demanded respect even in just her smile. She had this ability to lure you even though she was in a mag page or in my tv screen.

I was awfully young back in the simunye days but she was the woman i called a role model whenever the question was asked.. Oh and my dreadlocks(sorry people I wasnt looking at lauryn hill's dreadlocks....claire is the one)

Claire Mawisa has and continues to be my top 31 inspirational ladies

Everything is Everything