AneTurned21

Perhaps, This post would have probably have been better if I had written before my 21st birthday (yes I know I am baby) to help me with the little speech I had to make at my dinner.

Firstly, I know my friends are tired of hearing me complain about never hosting another birthday celebration. Here is the truth, I most probably will. Yes, I daunted the stress that came with organisng everything because when you plan something you want it to go a certain way and if something goes wrong and you are a psycho like me, it almost creates a distaste for the whole thing. However, nothing beats that moment when that distate is smothered with love - it makes everything worthwhile.
The whole planning process for me was a journey of reflection of truth about where I am in my life and who actually was standing next to me.

You would think for some one who usually flies solo like me getting to 25 people in and around Cape Town would be easy. Infact that is when I realised I am on a journey.When you decide o having an intimate dinner, you want people tha will feel that room with warmth and love. You want to celebrate those people who have carried you through everything and loved you unconditionally and that is not always easily pinpointed.

I am imagined how walking into that room would be - warm. In turned out to be cold and empty and as the room filled up with my guests, it remained so with only droplets of love.At that moment, I knew that there were people who I still embraced who did not even deserve my glance.

Thank you to my mothers, I am now learning to CUT THE CHORD,a phenomena il leave for another day just so you keep an eye out for more posts in the future and no IM NOT PREGNANT.

The question everyone asked is how does it feel being 21 and most people would say it feels the same. It did not feel the same for me.I did not feel different because I turned 21 but i am different because of the love i realised i had experience and now knew I had as I turned 21. The love I am given is everything. The love people showed me and continue to show me is all i am - that is why I am still standing. Given the chance I would do it all again to give me the peace, the love and the strength that has come with being 21.

And although I have had to go of people I have held dear to my heart, those that are true remain.

To my family, you shine through me daily
To my friends. you remind me of the light that  I hold
To him, you have given me the peace that has led me to cut the chord
To God, continue to mould me into the woman you have created me to be.

Everything is Everything

Changes

I had the privillege of chilling with the amazing artist, Khanyisile Mbongwe, who up until yesterday I did not know she existed and after being asked to google her, feel like the shit for knowing her - Google Her.

Being with her and the other no name brands who are just as amazing according to me(what your mother would say), I started reminiscing on the different people I have inhibited over the years which were amazing years but has been my biggest downfall in knowing who i am and what I want for myself now and for the future. And if not that, thank you khanyi, iggy and allison for making me write anothe blogpost again - I needed the air it lets me breathe.

I am now contemplating going to an audition that could be alot of fun but one I am not sure forms part of the person I want to become in the future. I am no Bonang Matheba and neither have I wanted to be yet I have gained an interest in the industry ever since my year stint with my dj but what are my interest. who am i, what do I want for myself, where do I want to be, what legacy do I want to leave behind for myself and what am I doing to get there. Is this audition how I get there? Sometimes these questions may seem easy but there is a fine line between being versatile and being a jack of all trades and a master of none. LEARN TO BE THE MASTER. Making such decisions require a certain level of honesty with yourself. One that is tough and will make you lose out on alot of opportunities but one that will allow to reach your potential and grasp opportunities that are best for you.

So today I write this post, not only for myself but for those who need to move forward. Our own little guide book to self-redemption.

1. Face all your past/issues head on.Cry, throw them against the wall(please do not bring harm to others), have a bonfire. do whatever you need to do to let them go. Keep the lessons they have taught you. For those of us who pray, pray to God and ask them to clear you from the past.Ask him for you not to hold yourself back any longer but push you forward.
2. Sit down and ask yourself who and where you want to be; from the way you want to laugh, the cologne/perfume you want to use to the the type of marriage you want to have, how you want to love yourself and those around you, how you want to see yourself and how you want others to perceive you. Paint that image of yourself with every detail but becareful to look within and find who you are and not paint a picture from what other people are. For those of us who pray, pray to God and ask him to show you who He created you to be and your purpose. To infuse what you have come up with and what is to be in His plans for you.At the end of that prayer, say God I have confessed it with my mouth and I know because of that not only has it been justified but it has been done. Thank you.
3. Ask yourself how you need to get there. Plan it and stick to it. Let it be over the top and be realistic at the same time. Take what has worked in the past, leave the rest and create new approaches. You should know how the next line goes: For those of us who pray, pray to God and ask Him to give you the patience with time constraints and people around you who will help you in your journey, perserverance to follow through even when things are not going your way and to keep the bigger picture in mind.Latsly, strength to be able to face the challenges that come with knowing who you are, standing by that person and reaching your dreams - If you sleeping for 5 hours, you are not hungry for it yet.
4. Dont forget to live which is what most of us forget to do and even though you have a dream, do not forget what is important. Little things like love and making memories is what makes life special which brings me my next and probably final point.
5. Love: Learn to love yourself the right way because in doing so you teach yourself how to love and respect the people you cherish.In turn they learn how to love and respect you the way you so rightfully deserve.

Do not let others and the world influence you but listen to what they have to say because so often we miss out on advice/lessons that will groom us.It is important that as much as we want to learn how to live with ourselves, we learn how to live with others because as I have said before, sometimes it is within others that we find ourselves.

All this sounds or seems easier writing it down but making the decisions that follow is even harder. There are many amazing opportunities that will come your way, you can become a jack of all trades and master of none and take all of them, not succeed and excel in all of them and end up not knowing where you are heading; or you can choose the opportunities that are right for you. Ones that will mould you as a person and ones that will strengthen your path. All of them will lure you in but knowing who you are and where you are going comes with a fight to stand by that person and it is that strength and that stand which will allow you to know what is right for you.

Everything is Everything

Get over it

During the long weekend of 27 April 2012, yes it was a while back, I had the unfortunate privillege of sitting in what I believe was one of the worst talks I have ever sat in. I will not name the uct professor who spoke for his sake but I will be sure never to attend one of his talks again.

However, I did try and make sense of what he was saying and despite my distaste for his overall talk, he had some very interesting parts in between the hogwash.

My posts are usually close to home but not this one. This one is about tolerance and learning to live with ourselves and each other and as the uct professor put it" Get over yourself" - although his context of the clause is far from mine I grabbed it anyway.

We live our lives consumed in ourselves which is not necessarily a bad thing but becomes one once we think we are better than others. I had a chat with my roommate the other day and we were talking about how God surely must taken bribes because some plans are just way to good while other people are worse off. What I find amazing though, is how He has managed to make us need each other despite the two ends of each other. We cannot inhabit this world on our own and the more we get over ourselves there more we will be able to save whats left of humanity and our world. A way to ensure that the atrocities of the past do not repeat itself and the fear itself disappear because it is the fear that takes us two steps back even when you have moved behind.

My mom the other day told me about a sermon she had heard at church which just asserts how you are linked and how we all need each other even when we do not know it.

A youn ghungry boy was hungry and went around asking for food. After many let downs, who knocked at a door where a woman had given her some milk. Years later this young boy had become a doctor and the woman had grown older and sick and needed a very expensive operation which she could not afford.
Having been admitted at the hospital the doctor works at, the doctor decided to walkk around check on this woman only to find it was the woman who gave her the milk years ago. The man put out his hand to the woman and said you paid for this operation with the milk you gave me years ago because maybe I would not even be here.

Lesson: If we put ourselves aside, you start a chain of goodwill and it is that chain that can change the world.

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Everything happens for a reason

This post does not at all reflect where I am in my life but reflects where I am in my heart and soul. Dear dad, losing you and your love, laughter, kindness and affection remains the hardest and most painful thing I have ever had to deal with to date.

Some days seem better than the rest but there ones that I remember you are gone are the harder than the last one. I may have said goodbye but my heart will never be able to part from you and the person you have been in my life.

I need you. I want you. I cannot rewind time but I want to so badly; given the chance I would choose to have left with you than to stay with this pain, this emptiness.

I dedicate this post to every person who has lost a loved one, who continues to carry this unbearable pain with me and my family...

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

I miss you peanuts - Gone but not Forgotten

"Sweet, No Mkata Mkata"

The Rurals Feat. Magic Soul - "Its Hot In Africa" (Magic Soul Spoken Wo...

A friend suggested this song to me. I won't lie I quite enjoy it. Tell me what you think.. email your comments to anelisiwe.mizer.miza@gmail.com, comment on the post or comment on our fb page.


ENJOY

My petition to God

I have currently been going through what my flatmate rephrased as a quarterlife crisis (can't be midlife because we think im not there yet, though its quite debatable) and as if the heavens directed me to cna and I purchased (on sale) Eat, Pray, Love; although I would later regret the hole it made in my wallet, its exactly what I needed to help me get through this phase of my life.

Liz, the author and main character of the book, wrote a petition to God to help her through her complicated divorces. I found this liberating and decided to write my own.

Dear God

Thank you for showing me your love by letting me pass through all the trials and tribulations you have put my way to help me. I have grown

Please heal my world through my mind, heart and soul,
because if I am mentally and emotionally dead,
I can't fulfill the purpose you have for me.

Please give me the courage to face myself and most of all forgive myself,
Because the pains I carry affect many and the world has enough pain as it stands
With all the wars, corruption, hunger and poverty but to name a few - you know this already.

Please help me move on and see the bigger picture;
Because if I don't, I don't get to share all i can share with the people around.
Allow love, peace and contentment in my life and my loved ones.
Send the focus, ambition and determination you once gave me
Because you know why it was there in the first please.

As you can see there is tons of names of my petition list who want all of this to be granted to me.
 Thank you in advance

Regards
Anelisiwe Miza


EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

Waiting To Exhale

Im sure by the title of this blog, you think this is another ode to Whitney Houston. It really isn't but I thought the gesture of the title would not only fit this post but also give her the respect she has rightfully earned over the years; but somehow this post has become an ode to her, not because I will be writing about her great voice but rather one that makes sure you do not fall into the same trip as she did.

Here's the truth, I do not know how to apply half the wisdom i share and ask all of you to apply to this blog as a result I have fallen deeper and deeper into the deep dark hole I was trying to climb out from when I started this blog.

While everyone's, well most people's year started with the the fresh aroma of a new journey; mine started with the gross odour of old garbage that I had no choice but to face and whether you accept or deny your mistakes and bad decisions, they came with consequences you must face even when you are moving forward. For most people, this would seem pretty easy when the light at the end of the tunnel is shining brightly but for me it came with a whole lot of anger I still had to deal with. I had managed to give and convince many of reasons why I had made my choices but only I knew the truth and had to face it alone which has proven to be the one of the most difficult experiences one should ever have to undergo (or in my case, choose to undergo).

My biggest wake up call: you cannot face yourself and correct yourself if you do not know who you are. This means you can never move forward if you do not know what went wrong to start with and you cannot do that if you do not know who you are. We live life with each other and experience each other in the hope that one day we will ake sense to each other but how does one do that if nothing exists. How can I get to know you when you do not even know whats there to know about you.

This is where Ive been for the past, i have no idea for how long- i don't remember and now I realise I need figure myself out and what I want and need in order to forgive the mistakes ive done and those done by others unto me. I can only live when I realise what im looking for.

I can least a whole lot of things that my mom and many others have said to trigger this new change of heart but its the trigger I pulled that finally gave me the strength to confront myself and im fighting to do so every day.

Remember that clogged up feeling you got for yur first three orals in class, when your crush passed you by or the ne you get when you are really hurt and no matter how hrd you cry you still can't get rid of it. Well Ive had that feeling for a while now and thats what made this title so real to me; This clog is where I am and as I start finding myself all over again all I can think of to describe the feeling I have is "WAITING TO EXHALE"

Sorry in took so long to write in, its been a rollercoaster.

EVERYTHING IS STILL EVERYTHING