Happy New Year

I thought I'd write this post an hour before the year ended so I can truly capture all the moments of 2011 and also becasue I wanted to release this post 1 min before New Years for some melodramatic reaction I hope it would give for those not to drink to read it or having to much fun to be reading this blog. Anyway, I'm writing it now because I'm to afraid I'd run out of things to say and my own wit would outwit itself out of my brain(yes I'm trying to be corny).

As the year closes to an end, I'm flooded with a gazzilon thoughts and emotions both running around hysterically inside of me.As it draws to the end, I close all yhe fears, the failures and even successes and new fears play with my mind but as the year ends I cannot help, like every other human being, to reflect what at first seems to be have been the worst year of my life but more than anything a true test of my strength.

This year marks one of the biggest losses I have yet to experience, that of my father and of myself. I have met new people and made new friends and have lost half of them and other old relationships but none seems worse than that of my dad and myself.

I have learnt what it is to fall, what it is to be in pain and what it is to be lost but in all that I have started the real journey of life, I have started the real journey of growth and continue to do so with the love,care and support of family, friends, strangers that have become friends and also God.

As the year draws to an end, I can help but to think of the beginning. There are things I will live behind: old friends, old loves and old mistakes that I cannot change even if I wanted to.However, it marks the start of infinite possibilities both new and old and although I will have to take some baggage with me: healing the wounds my father left behind and repairing the consequences of my mistakes but I feel stronger to live,love and learn.

Before I end this blogpost there are a few thank yous I would fail myself not to mention:

To Ayabonga Bangaza,Xolisa Jezile, Mbasa Twani,Onela Mtilwa, Zizipho Waxa, Nangamso Tyamzashe, Vuyolwethu Mqulo, Uyasithanda Booi, Nomfundo Tyamzashe, Fundile Sangoni, Mosima Thema and Sinazo Sodlula thank you for coming to my rescue when I needed saving, for opening your kind and pure hearts when I had no idea who to turn. I appreciate your friendship and the love, care and wisdom you have brought my way.

To the Mtilwa Family, your love and support have proven strong, loyal and sincere over the years and you continue to pour your love to me and my family.there are no words to describe all you have done and continue to do for my family.

The Tshiki Family especially Bhut Maks, Aunt Khush, Khanya, Lisa and Kwezi, thank you for adopting me and opening your home and hearts to me. You remain and will continue to be in my heart til the end of time.I have no words for everything you have done for me.

To Tsabu Mapike, thank you for your consistent support , your encouragement and strong belief in me, my ideas and my potential. You give me the confidence and will to fight all odds.You have become a big part of my life and heart. I love you.

To Mr L Vlok, My psycologist, besides the fancy feeling of having my own psycologist, I owe you everything for saving me from myself and helping me to stand up when I did not rememba how to and continue to hold my hand in my growth.

To Samantha, I really cannot pronounce or spell your surname(I'm sorry), Thank you for being my light and hope when everything was dark.I Love you.

To Joni Ranton, My loving bf, I know you won't enjoy this public declaration but baby I had to, thank you for being my pillar of strength,for being a part of my life, laugh and joy, for all the support and putting up with me when I could not put up with myself.

To my siblings, you continue to form the bulk of who I am and continue to create memories with me that make my life worth living.I love you all Nzolo, Aliziwe and Mila.You are my soul.

To all my mothers friends, Nombedesho Sikiti, Nombeko Mtilwa, Tinny Tyamzashe, Pumla Tshiki, Bomi Zote, Aunt Buyelwa, Tembisa Mbombo, Zanele Bangaza thank you for mothering me and my mother in one of our darkest years and all the others.The continued love you give my mother reaches us in all its richness.

To my mother, I look at you in awe every single day of my life and I have no idea where you get your strength from.It keeps me strong and it keeps me whole.It builds and teaches me how to live and learn in the right way.You and always will be my everything.Thank you for all your hardwork, sacrifices and love.

To my late father, your memory still burns brightly in our lives.You have been everything to us and still are even in your absence.

Last but not least, thank you to everyone who has walked with me through this blog.It means the world to me.

To those I did not mention, I love you no less and do not take lighlty the impact you have in my life this year.Thank you.

To everyone, Compliments of the new season. May God bless all of you abundantly and may you succedd in all you do but especially in living.

To My beautiful sister Naledi Bangaza, Congratulations!
And Mbasa we will love mthawelanga ayema twni to the end of time.

Goodbye 2011 Hello 2012!

I Love You All

Everything is Everything

Couldnt stay away for long

It seems I couldnt stay away for too long. I never left because the spotlight faded (as many tried to insinuate - damn haters), I left because I had to put all I had to discovered into action. What is the point of wisdom if its only o paper. The spotlight is what is bringing me back: After being asked why I have stopped and long debates of why I should come back, I realised my blog is helping others as much as it is helping me. Even if its just for a laugh or two, its making a difference. Although it was never really about the people, I have to come to realise that it is about both of us.

I have also come to learn that you can never be completely free or completely healed because that is when your journey ends, when life ends. A few days ago, some rich guy (forgot his name) said you start failing when you start thinking you are successful. I think that applies for living as a whole.

This year has come with many hurdles and a full basket of blessings only to take me back to step one. However, Im learning that if you are hungry enough for something, you will get it. Do not let man stop you from something bigger than themselves. I though after  timeless occasions of bunking out of hostel, i would have realised that where there is a will, there is a way, but it is only now I truly am learning of that will.

My sister is going to boarding school (just nje by the way) and I just can't hide the fears I have. I pray she turns out nothing I am and listen when mom says all good things come to those who wait. Impatience has a nasty surprise for you.

To everyone, have a merry christmas - while you laugh with your fathers or hope the father you met may still walk through that door, i'll be cleaning my father's grave.


2012 is yours if you choose to

Everything is Everything